Until I realized that an awakening is rarely a one-time event. I thought that my whole star being had collapsed into a supernova until I realized that I was a universe, and I had a thousand stars inside of me, all of which had to collapse and expand and expel light out and only until every one of them was broken open — only until every piece that had to bolded under pressure, be created within darkness, was sent out for everybody else — could I go.
The essence of awakening, and the truth of the miraculousness, is that it is far more than just what freedom comes for yourself.
What you put out changes everything around you. Even that which you aren’t aware of, you are a part of. What is created of what you created you are a part of — and this goes on for infinity. It’s the essence of interconnectedness. You’re small enough to be a star and big enough to hold a universe. The minutiae of your life has little to do with your tiny speck of awareness of it.
It’s greater than you can conceive. It’s better than you understand. It’s there because you’re here.
1. Enough confidence to no longer feel the need to justify what she eats, who she dates or what she wears, not only to other people, butto herself.
3. Only the phone numbers, Facebook friends, weekend plans, and roommates she actually wants.
4. A best friend who is like a sister.
5. A space of her own.
6. A good idea of what she needs in a romantic relationship, not just what she wants, or what she thinks she needs, and the willingness to explore different people and other ideas to find what exactly that is.
7. A closet of what she considers to be her “staples,” and among these things, something to wear to an interview, funeral, wedding, impromptu Friday night drink at a casual bar and dream date if ever someone were to call out of the blue.
8. The tact and grace to ask for a raise, a promotion, a change in a relationship or a date with someone she’s into.
9. The faith that she deserves those things.
10. A favorite coffee order, go-to restaurant for when friends visit from out of town, hairstyle that takes less than five minutes in the morning, “thank you” cards in her desk drawer, the print copy of her favorite book, and bedding that she is proud to show off.
11. A hobby that has nothing to do with drinking, shopping or somebody else.
12. The recipes for a number of easy meals memorized.
13. The desire and discipline to actually cook for herself. (Just herself.)
14. A trip she tells awesome stories about and a trip she has awesome plans for.
15. A sense that she’s let go of resenting other women for what they do or don’t have over her.
16. Enough of a healthy relationship with her body that her contentment no longer hinges on comparison, or what her partner would think.
17. At least one date in her memory with the kind of partner who wouldn’tcare about those things anyway.
18. Forgiveness if she’s dated men who haven’t quite matured as quickly as women tend to in their early 20s.
19. The knowledge of what she wants in bed and the confidence to ask for it without feeling uncomfortable.
20. A drill, a non-stick pan, a credit card line nobody else has access to, a bra that she was measured for at the store and working knowledge of how to change a tire, unclog a pipe, make an investment and find shoes on the extra 40% rack.
21. A relationship with her mother, even if it’s the decision that their relationship will be at least functioning, if not familial.
22. A passport, a sturdy piece of luggage, and the ability to pack the essentials at a moment’s notice should she be offered the chance to get away for a weekend, a week, or a whole new life.
23. The following emergency kit: Tylenol/Advil, eyedrops, a tampon, hand sanitizer, a fresh pair of underwear, a travel sized toothbrush, hydrocolloid bandages for blisters, $20 cash, a condom, and Plan B.
24. Forgiveness for who she was.
25. An idea of who she wants to be